I began a blog here on blogger.com over one year ago. True to form, I ended up putting off writing and eventually forgot about the whole thing.
I have decided to start blogging again as I find writing therapeutic. I tend to express myself better in this medium, than any other. Though, even then I find most people find me quite incorrigible. I am a venter. I believe wholeheartedly that venting is a great way to clear one's mind. Due to this belief, I vent and I vent a lot. This is where the incorrigible part comes in.
I used to frequent a social website outside of Facebook. To be more exact, I frequented a specific group within that site. It was a debate group, filled with the most intelligent, well spoken and out spoken women I have ever had the pleasure to interact with. Where were these people in real life? Nevermind, I am not very social so having them in my computer worked well, especially since I prefer to write.
I didn't really get off on the right foot with many of the women. Many felt I was a little too free with information and they were very correct. I also get the sense the way I wrote responses to debate questions was a bit off-putting.
However, this group of women became very close. Many had met each other in "real life", even more spoke with one another on the phone. It was amazing, though some were miles apart a true bond was cultivated. Many reached out to me with their phone numbers, but, as I mentioned before I am just no good on the phone. To put it best, anxiety gets the better of me. Regardless, it seemed as though I had been accepted.
I would write about things going on in my life and essentially put them up for debate. I loved the different perspectives and thoughts on each situation. Sometimes, I would firmly take the advice offered by some, other times I would just draw from individual perspectives and there were times I couldn't or wouldn't take the advice.
I was invited to join another group that included many of these ladies. It was a group specifically for chatting, venting and so on. Although, by the time of this invite, I think I had "over stayed my welcome" for the majority of these ladies.
I was eventually deleted, blocked and banned from the group and also by many individuals. I won't pretend that it didn't hurt. It did. I had and still have love and respect for everyone of these women. Most of them disappeared without a word. Some had spoken to me the day before and hadn't given so much as an inkling that they despised me. There was one who was brutally honest with her thoughts and feelings. Though, I did not agree with much of her analysis of me; I can not tell you enough how much I appreciated that honesty. It gave me something to think about.
I am unsure exactly how it came to pass that I was simultaneously removed, but I think it had to do with a meeting of the minds and the decision that I was attention seeking and my venting was not venting, it was inciting drama. My thoughts stem from what the one open and honest person had said.
This occurred around the beginning of June. I have had plenty of time to move forward and reflect on the experience. Up until the beginning of this year my life was pretty run of the mill. Most of my venting had to do with family, health concerns and concerns about how to approach certain situations. There was nothing really earth shattering. The beginning of this year started with a major event and everything else started spiraling out of control as the months went by. There were things completely beyond my control, things within my reach for control and things I just did to myself. Many people referred to me as "so strong" and various other things that would indicate my life was beyond what could be handled by a "regular" person. It struck me as odd as I, again, was deeply affected by many things. Also, I can think of a multitude of things that could happen to a person that would be a thousand times worse. Ultimately, as time went on, and after a specific event these women who I had "known" since approximately 2006, decided my life was somehow too outrageous and I was just trying to incite drama or garner sympathy for nothing. Seems strange, because I really don't view things as all that incredible, so to speak.
I will write about the course of events in 2012 in my next post. For now, I wanted to write about what sparked my desire to begin blogging again. These women, despite having never met them, really had an impact on my life and how I view things. They left permanent footprints on my heart and in my mind. They have inspired me in ways they probably never even intended to or realized. As you can tell, I still think of them. I no longer feel the sting from them walking out of my life, instead I feel appreciation for all they taught me. I think sometimes, dissolving any type of friendship is necessary. Some friendships are meant to last a specific amount of time, while others do not have a specific time frame. I am, of course, also intensely grateful for all those who remain in my life and help me become a better person with not only their words but with simply their presence and the footprints they continue to leave behind.