Thursday, December 13, 2012

Things I don't understand

For the most part, I like to think I understand why people say, feel and do what they do. Even when it wouldn't be the way I would behave, I can usually get a firm grasp on why a person behaves the way they do.  It may come across as disturbing, but for example, I understand the reason serial killers are serial killers and why most murders occur even though I wouldn't I would never do those things. I understand many reasons a person could act in a criminal, hurtful and heinous manner. However, I have a hard time with certain things that fall into a more gray, so to speak.

I understand the pain of breakups and the pain of unrequited love.  What I don't understand is the desire to stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you anymore? Well, scratch that, I understand it to a certain point. If you are madly, truly, deeply in love with someone and have a long history together, there is a strong desire to not let that go.  It's a heartbreaking and rather frightening thought to leave who you love and all that you know. It would be painful to see them with another person.  I understand all of that.

I don't understand knowing the person you love doesn't want to be with you anymore, doesn't feel the same as they once did and is essentially miserable in the relationship, yet wanting to be in the relationship.  If you love someone, truly love someone, wouldn't you want them to be happy? Why would you want to force a relationship with someone who is miserable?  If they are unhappy, how can they possibly be the person you fell in love with?  I know it's like a stab to the heart to let someone you love go and that you would want to be with them forever, but if they are unhappy, in turn it would make the entire relationship unhappy. It makes little sense to me.

Another thing I do not understand is reactions to cheating. Cheating is not ok by any stretch of the imagination and this is coming from someone who has done it. It is a selfish thing that hurts one if not more people deeply. It serves no purpose. If you don't want to be with someone, let them know before you find someone new. I digress, I actually understand all motives and scenarios for cheating, I just don't think they are just.  My lack of understanding has to do with the person who has been cheated on. Say your significant other cheats on you, it hurts, it cause insecurities within yourself to surface, questions, anger, sadness, etc. The person who said they were committed to you violated that verbal, or in the case of marriage, written agreement. It's a trust and respect destroying situation. However, why do most victims of cheating entirely blame the other person?  I say other person, because men will do this on occasion; They will put more blame on the other man than on their significant other, but, in all honesty, women play this blame game far more often.

It boggles my mind. I see it time and again. A woman is cheated on, sometimes multiple times, and she blames the other person for all of it. I see some woman counter with the other woman made no commitment to you so you can't be mad at her.  I do not agree with that either. I think if a woman knew a man was taken she bears some of the blame, absolutely. However, there is some truth to that statement. The man (or woman) who entered a committed relationship with you is the one who made a commitment. They were the one telling you they loved you and made plans for the future with you. Why do they get near total forgiveness because total blame is places on the "other"? Is it because you believe they had to have been tricked? That they have no mind of their own?  Is it because you feel all other people are out to get your significant other and you blame yourself for not pulling the leash hard enough? I don't understand. I understand total forgiveness in the case of cheating with one other person. If it was a drunken one night stand, I can see after much talking forgiveness coming easier than an affair with another; However, both I can see forgiving. I do not see forgiving the person who has cheated or attempted to cheat multiple times and just blaming the others who were involved. Do you think that lowly of your loves intellect?  It makes zero sense.

I don't understand people who truly believe (and not just put on act) that they are innocent people in this horrendous world. I am talking about the people who feel they can do and have never done anything wrong based on the fact they were wronged at some point so it justifies their actions. We all mess up. Some of us mess up worse than others. Some do horrible things intentionally. The fact is, no matter what, not one of us is without fault. We have all messed up and hurt someone else one way or another.

I truly hope this post did not come across as judgmental.  I did not mean it that way, I truly do not understand these behaviors. I try my very best to not pass extreme judgment on people, but as a human being it is in my nature to form impressions about others. We all do it.  We all pass judgment on others, be it positive or negative.  I try hard not to assume I know what is in the heart or mind of another human being no matter what it is they have done bad or even good. No one can know what goes on within another soul. My goal has always been to understand others as much as possible, but, I do know there is a limit.

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