I have been in a pretty awful mood for the past week. There is truly no rhyme nor reason for it. I am just pissed off. I can get it under control for a few hours and then BAM, I am irritated as all hell again. This cycle is pissing me off in and of itself, so I am not a pleasant person so be around for the time being.
The trouble is, my being in a bad mood seems to be making people think it is about them. Everyone seems to think I am mad at them and that is a problem because it just puts me in a worse mood.
I have been thinking a lot. It's nothing spectacular or earth shattering. I am just sort of in an "analyze this" mode. Nothing devastating has come from my thoughts nor will anything devastating happen. I am simply thinking about a lot of different things. I am mostly thinking about myself, my life and my perspectives. Certain little things set the wheels turning and I have to let them turn.
It's very difficult when you feel like you can't think or you feel like you are not allowed to be in a bad mood. It seems everyone around me is getting into a huff about it and is making it all out to be a bigger deal than it is. I just need to get through my moment. Heck, I might just have really bad PMS or it could be my thyroid hormone levels evening out. It is really not a crisis when I am in a bad mood. We all get in bad moods now and then. It's just that other people are allowed to think and be a bit pissy, and well, I'm not.
I am rambling. I just had to write this out because it's making me anxious. I am getting close to panic attack level with this anxiety. I have sort of shut down and don't want to talk to anyone directly because it is just that overwhelming. I feel like if I say anything the person I am speaking to is going to take it in some weird way. Then they will go and get sympathy and kind words for the way they are feeling while I am sitting here feeling like a pathetic piece of shit for daring to have emotions and thoughts.
Yes, I am being whiny and jealous and selfish with those feelings. I don't care. It's how I am feeling. I will stop feeling like this. I know that. It's just for the time being I am having a great deal of difficulty controlling this anxiety as I am not sure what it is that is causing it exactly. I need to retreat from the world for a bit so I can just calm down and get back to being pleasant and happy. If I am anything but I am being an evil witch and trying to bring people down or some other such crap.